Tag Archives: Google

History

Standard

There are some things by which a person should not be judged; race, gender, sexual orientation and religion to start with.

I humbly submit a criterion: Google search history.

With such a wealth of information at our fingertips and basically the whole internet easily parsed and sorted for our convenience and instant gratification issues, one should not be held accountable for the random things that become necessary to Google. Naturally I say this purely in defense of my own recent use (or perhaps abuse) of Google.

Due to various writing projects I had going at any one point the following search terms can be found in my search history.

  • organic food
  • Oklahoma bee keepers
  • killer bee
  • Africanized bees
  • honey bees
  • pesticides
  • natural pesticides
  • pollination

Ok, so first go-round it seems normal. They are at least partially related and though I can’t get a plant within 50 feet of my apartment without it shriveling and dying, its not too far fetched an Oklahoma-girl might Google those things. But it keeps going.

  • deaths by killer bee
  • bee lethality
  • bee toxin lethality
  • needle gauges
  • serial killers
  • sideshow performers
  • circus freaks
  • birth defects
  • backwards knees
  • horror film directors
  • psychopathy
  • mental defects with deformities

Now we’ve wandered into creepy. Maybe just a bit past creepy. We soldier onward.

  • torture house Chicago
  • torture methods
  • torture chamber
  • hallucination
  • fantasy
  • sleepwalking
  • waking dream
  • murder in sleep
  • sleep walking crime
  • heroine addiction side effects
  • delusional paranoia
  • schizophrenic murderers
  • schizophrenia symptoms
  • Pizza Hut

Taken out of context I should be institutionalized. And Bryan should be very, very worried.

But when you understand I just wrote on article on the startling declination of the honey bee population and its subsequent effects on Oklahoma agriculture, the first bit of my search history make sense.

A quick look at the science of being scared and why humans seems to enjoy is being developed into a magazine article, starting with the first version of “horror films” available in the form of circus sideshows.

The last parts are research on a new novel idea I’m toying with. Except the Pizza Hut bit. I was hungry and didn’t feel like cooking. Constructing character outlines for psychologically troubled girls is hungry-making work…

Ok, so even in context its a little troubling that of all the happy, fluffy, sane topics I could write a novel on I chose severe mental disturbances but again, people like to be scared. I know because I found it on Google…

Advertisements

Coping With Hyenas

Standard

Image via How Stuff Works? A Discovery Company

Type ‘Coping With’ into Google and revel at the hits you get. Everything from death to math anxiety, people have expressed (or experienced) a need great enough that someone sat down to write out techniques to deal with it. Problems and bad times and hard luck and desperation and loss seem to circle life, waiting for a weakness to show; waiting for a too long a pause at a juncture; waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Opportune for them of course. Never for us. And never one at a time.

Why is it that one thing can’t go wrong at a time? Hmm? I liken bad things to a pack of hyenas. One finds you, alone in the wilderness of life. It starts to giggle and inches closer. You see it coming and your hackles rise and you are pretty sure you can deal with this. It’s just one right? But the giggling turns frenzied. It’s calling to its friends. A buddy from the bad stuff pack joins in. Then another. Before you know it you are surrounded by the infernal, ugly, tough luck times…and they won’t stop that incessant giggling.

Well, I’ve my own pack of hyenas, as does everyone else. In my tiny little world I think I have more hyenas than anyone else. Plus my hyenas are bigger, more vicious, and uglier. At least that’s how it feels to me when staring down the muzzle of one. (In particular the species Maritus Scindo of the Curia Sempra family) (Ten points if you giggled at that. Twenty if you Googled the words and then giggled.)

Then I type in ‘coping with’. 19,800,000 hits off Google. Nearly 20 million sites to help with warding off hyenas of all types, sizes, and ferocity. There are a variety of coping techniques that vary greatly depending on the person and the situation. I firmly believe that a large stick would pick off at least two of my hyenas but there seem to be laws that frown on this. Conservation, endangered species, protection for the mentally handicapped and what not. Instead I turn to sarcasm and hyperbole, and more importantly writing. Its my coping technique.

Another one I found was to put problems into perspective. If zombies are eating the guy fifty feet away, you might be willing to admit your hyenas aren’t quite so terrifying. So, naturally I checked the Yahoo! News Feed, and this is what I’ve found.

Maria Shriver must deal with a public and humiliating divorce after her husband, The Former Gubernator, admits to having fathered a child and keeping it from her.

Residents of Talkalakh, Syria are fleeing their homes and livelihoods. One man describes walking down the streets where one can smell the dead bodies.

Bethanny Frankel is being sued for $100 million dollars by her ex-managers. Not that she can’t handle that what with SkinnyGirl Cocktails and stupidly successful reality shows. But still, $100 million dollars. That’s $100,000,000 with all its zeros attached.

Maybe my hyenas aren’t so big.