This post is actually about spoons. Sorry to disappoint. Actually its about most major utensils and their relationship to food.
I have long classified foods differently then most of the world. Rather than use the food pyramid to create food groups or even the more chef-like starch, protein, vegetable & sugar, I establish food types by which utensil is customarily necessary to eat it. I have five basic food groups; spoon, fork, knife, hand & straw.
Naturally some cross over and any of them can be prepared in a variety of ways that defy my standard classification. For the most part I group it by what you would need if a normal, sane, non-argumentative human being prepared it. A sampling of my methodology is as follows:
- Most varieties of raw fruits and vegetables (notable exceptions – avocado. Avocado is not a hand food. It’s slippery as well, avocado, because its really slippery.)
- Ice Cream
- Chili (If this is a Fork Food for you, you’re doing it wrong.)
- Cottage Cheese
- Cake (There is some contest as to whether this is a fork or a spoon food. But because I like squishing the crumbs between the tines of the fork, this is a Fork Food for me.)
- Most varieties of cooked fruits and vegetables
- Most varieties of meat, cooked or raw (Notable exception: tartare which is normally ingested with a spoon…and E. coli.)
- Really poorly cooked pasta
- Milk Shakes
- Technically speaking, literally everything can be made in straw form if you don’t have issues with meat paste and texture isn’t a thing for you.
Now cheese is tricky. Cheese is to my food world what ice is to the physics world. Ice can be a gas, a liquid and a solid simultaneously. Cheese can be a Hand, Fork, Spoon and Knife Food. I suppose if you are really strange, it could be a Straw Food too. As evidenced by the video above. I’m sure that burger had cheese on it. I suppose you could also suck up melted Velveeta via straw. Actually the more I think about it, the more I think the Straw Food category is incredibly creepy. And gross. Just on potential alone.