Royal Media Storm

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Photo via The Royal Wedding Flickr feed All Rights Reserved

Oh Good God in Heaven it’s finally over. The Royal Prince is now happily hitched and we can stop having it force fed to us via the mainstream media. Now that may seem callous, so let me say this. I’m thrilled for the couple, for Great Britain, and for the royal family. This is a really happy and momentous time for them. My beef is not with them. My biggest issue is with the host of shows, new segments, special clips, sneak peaks, and wedding press releases that flooded the media market. And I live in America! Its almost like it was the only nice thing happening in the world right now so they feel they have to beat it to a bloody pulp. (If I’m yelling about British events, I get use British curse words, now sod off.)

But the wedding happened, the couple is married and we can all stop hearing about it. But hark! What is this, I hear? The wedding has only served to reignite Americans’ obsession with the monarchical (sometimes obscure) traditions in England. The media will know this and devise programming accordingly. We can expect to hear more and more of the Royal family in the coming months and years. Damn it.

Let’s make a quick list here of potential media storms the world will have to endure. Britain is going to be big, big news. Not because of wars, famine, pestilence, or riots as is the normal selections for media fodder, but because of a handful of very important looking people. Now that Kate and William are married, chances are pretty great they will begin reproducing. Not to belittle Kate or the role of women, but she did just marry the eventual heir to the British throne and future King of England. There might be a smidge of pressure on her to produce an heir. At least there will be. That will result in nine months of pregnancy updates.

Next comes the aging Queen. Like it or not the woman has been in power for a very long time and alive even longer. As much as most of the monarchy is loathe to admit, she is going to die. And the world’s journalist will flash bulb her corpse with all the appropriate mournful looks I’m sure.

Immediately after that we will have Charles’ ascension to the throne. Unless he has the grace to pass the crown to his son given his age and the doomed nature of his name. What you don’t know? Charles the I was kidnapped & executed and Britain briefly became a republic under Puritan rule. Charles the II had the fortune of leading London while they endured the Great Plague and the Great Fire. Fun! (Of course he could elect to take another name instead of Charles III, which given the history might be advisable) Oh and present day Charles is already 62 and not yet on the throne. King Williams the IV was 64 when he took the throne so even if he were to take the monarchy today, he wouldn’t be the oldest. But close. But 62 is still 62 and quite a bit older than most new monarchs. And quite a bit closer to, well, you know. Thus if he takes the throne, he won’t sit there very long. Then comes his funeral.

And next ascension of William. Media Storm #1389572938475918 to follow.

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