I’m sure that there are many of you who understand what you are doing as you explore the world of online dating. Myself being a recent return to the dating scene, I may have missed a memo or two on how things are done nowadays. But in the four years I’ve been off the market I’m pretty sure the rules of grammar have not changed. When you write your profile, you are, in essence, making your first impression on every lady who clicks your name. It might behoove you to ensure that those first words at least are both spelled correctly and obey the very basic rules of grammar. If third graders can grasp the concept, I’m sure men in the prime of their lives can as well.Your and you’re are not interchangeable. For the record, neither are lose and loose, their and they’re, or two, too, and to.
On a related note, I wrote my profile very intentionally. Thus it is important that you read my profile. If during our conversation you ask me a question to which the answer can be found within the first section of my profile, it will irk me. I appreciate your attempt to make decent conversation, but I will know you failed to read my profile. That’s one of the perks of online dating. You get the basic info out of the way in one swoop. “Do you have children?” No. No, actually I don’t. I just clicked that button for fun-sies, just to see what would happen.
Pictures of your nostril, jokes about your cat’s sex life, and quippy anecdotes about your last girlfriend aren’t really good ways to endear me to you. Seriously. I’m archiving you.
When asked to list things that are important to you, go ahead and assume people will read your list as a ranking system. The list God, Nascar, Family, and Dog does not a positive picture paint of a genuine and cultured individual. I’m archiving you.
If you feel the need to say I’m funny once you get to know me, chances are pretty great you are not that funny. I’m archiving you.
If you feel the need to say I’m really a nice guy if you get close to me, means I’m going to be the one doing all the talking for the first seven dates and you then assume I’m self-absorbed. Fantastic. I’m archiving you.
I’m still optimistic that there’s a chance at love, companionship, and partnership out there for me. I’m slightly more pessimistic that I’ll find it on e-Harmony. Damn those commercials with happy couples and catchy tunes. Damn them!